I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
