Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
