so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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