She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
