this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
