o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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