Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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