Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
