Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
