My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
