i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
