i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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