I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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