You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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