Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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