Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
