Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
