so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
