I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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