My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
