literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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