hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
