dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want her autograph on my taint
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
