I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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