Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
