Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
