She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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