don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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