Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
