I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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