wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
