and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
