Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
