I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My pussy is not your playground.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
