ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
