At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
