Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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