if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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