I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
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