I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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