Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize