Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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