I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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