He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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