dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
