I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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