oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
