at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
