ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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