You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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