I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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