hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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