Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
