oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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