It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
