hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
