If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
